Today I got to the office and realized I forgot my phone at home. A classic move of my mother’s that no one in the family ever lets her live down, because then she’s impossible to reach. And obviously mothers are NOT allowed to be impossible to reach. I also realized this morning that there’s a pretty strong possibility that I missed Elle’s well-child visit with her doctor this week….Shit. Just checked the card, totally missed it. And Elle probably brushed her teeth before bed maybe twice this week. Neglectful mother alert. I fell asleep three nights in a row before washing a single dish. Our kitchen looked like we fed a family of 12 all week without ever cleaning up. That’s just the tip of the iceberg on my list of transgressions.
I also had a totally childish tantrum this week and told Aaron that I might as well stop trying because I pretty much fall short in every area of my life, I’m mediocre, and well…. pretty much just plain suck at everything. Being a wife, mother, professional, all of it! Thankfully he gave me a reality check and much needed slap in the face with a stern, “You know you’re not perfect at any of that right? And you can’t be. You need to lower your bar and give yourself a little slack. You’re allowed to be bad at stuff.” To which I tearfully replied, “But I LIKE high bars…” And then I proceeded to make my case for wanting to be “A+” and how there’s a big difference between A+ and perfect. (sigh)
And it’s true. I really like high bars for myself. I have a serious case of first child syndrome. Which sometimes works really well for me, and clearly many times doesn’t, and I don’t want Elle to ever feel like those bars are for her too. So for the sake of health and sanity, I’m tossing the bars. I get it now, Mom. We forget things because we have to remember EVERYTHING for more than one person. In my mother’s case, three or even four people (sorry Dad). We aren’t always perfect at everything because, first of all, we’re real live human beings, and secondly we have about one hundred full time jobs. So while mothers have always been and will always be superheros in my eyes, they’re also totally, completely imperfect women. Thank God.